Hello and welcome to Take me to Eternity. LeaFiore here, I wanted to start out with a little bit about myself. I am a follower of Jesus Christ. A wife and a mother of two. I homeschool my children and try to teach them to my best abilities how to be godly woman. And how to navigate this fallen world.
My favorite things to do are to dig in deep in the word, talk Jesus, hang out with my family and craft.All things that I can do with my family. My focus is on God and my family. Trying to grow and be shaped to be the woman God created me for. I pray that he uses me and guides me in this fallen world.
I have had a long road to get where I am today. I have known Jesus since as long as I can remember and though I didn’t walk a godly life for most of it. I knew he was real, that I was a sinner and he was the only thing that could save me from life without him, sin and death. I knew the gospel yet I didn’t know how to live for him.
I struggled through anxiety and depression being diagnosed bi polar at the age of 12. I was what they call a rapid cycler. I had extreme highs and lows that switched quickly and frequently. After having kids I got more and more anxious ridden. Panic attacks held me in a constant grip of fear of everything. I didn’t have a moment of peace for large periods of time where I would be anxious from the time I woke up to the time I went to sleep and would be riddled with anxious dreams in between.
I used to cry out to God for help. Just saying Jesus please, please. Help me know how to live how you want me. Help me know how to teach my children about you.
I knew that life couldn’t continue like that but again I didn’t know what to do with it. My husband decided we were going to move from our ghetto apartment to a place closer to the country and when we did life changed pretty rapidly.
We started going to a little country church with people who were just trying to live their lives for the Lord the best they knew how with a pastor who knew the importance of sticking to what the Bible says in context, preaching the word accurately and discipleship.
I started going to my step moms Bible study and learning the importance of reading my Bible and relationship with Jesus. Learning how to hold on to Jesus in the midst of anxiety and how to keep my eyes focused on him as I navigated this fallen world.
Finally I had an example of what it meant to live as a woman of God. And I also had people to hold me accountable.
I was still riddled with anxiety and fear. Completely socially awkward (I am working on that one still). I couldn’t handle life, I wanted to not be alive but I didn’t want my family to have to deal with life without me. I didn’t want to hurt anyone else by my own selfishness and I have dealt with the aftermath of losing someone I love dearly to suicide so I prepared to tell my husband I needed to check myself into a mental health facility. I had a really severe panic attack one day and I dropped to my face on the floor of my bedroom and told God I was done trying to do life my way. I begged him to help me and I told him I just wanted to live how he wanted me to because my way wasn’t working.
Quickly he started to change my heart and fill me with his word as I sat in my Bible searching. I latched on to verses that spoke into my life the hows of living for him.
Be still and know that I am God was one I sat in for a long time. It taught me his power and might and place in my life. My step mom showed me the NIV says cease striving and know that I am God which just gets me every time. Verses like psalm 19:14
Also Phillipians 4 really showed me how to live in a way that warded against anxiety. The things that we intake be it food or tv, relationships or music all feeds us and makes us who we are and what comes out of us. Feeding myself with Gods word and being careful of the things that were actually harming my heart and soul did wonders for me.
It’s funny whoda thunk right? God made me and knows what’s best for me and living according to his word was the thing that I needed along side a relationship that grew to depend on him completely. Though I think that will always be a work in progress.
I quickly stopped listening to destructive music and started listening to Christian radio stations.
Through church my kids and I had questions about the Bible and I didn’t have the answers so I started digging in. Not just reading but studying. I learned how to find what I was looking for through lots of study and prayer. Jesus really blessed me through it all.
I started seeking people to listen to and what was truth and got caught up in listening to bethel music, Jesus culture, hillsong, and elevation worship just to name some.
I was hooked right away. The emotion that streamed from them was intoxicating. I started listening to all kinds of teachers and through the finger of God movies I found Todd white and just was so enthralled by his outward display emotion. He seemed to have an amazing love for Jesus. I wanted to know Jesus like that. He would speak about being baptized in the Holy Spirit and fire and talk about speaking in tongues and leading a sinless life. The sinless life part always confused me but boy did I want the rest of it. He said it is always Gods will to heal and that every believer should be healing people. He always talked about words of knowledge and that Jesus lived in us and was just a man in right standing with God and we could do all the things he could do because he lived inside us. It sounded almost right. At least right enough in the mind of someone early in understanding.
After awhile I started noticing things were really off. I learned that he wasn’t speaking accurately about the Bible. I heard a bethel song that made me start looking into them and started finding things were off all over the place. More and more people I learned were twisting and misusing Gods word. It startled me. After conversations with loved ones who follow these groups of people I learned just how far off their teachings are. I learned the importance of searching scripture, knowing Gods word and testing every spirit. I am sure you will hear a lot more of my testimony as I go. It will inevitably come out but for now I will stop there.
I was previously part of the podcast and blog duo Truthfully Awkward. It only lasted five months but through that I learned that I love to blog and I really enjoy podcasting. Ok I don’t necessarily love to be recorded but I do love getting the content out there. Hahaha.
Well I hope that y’all stick with me. Check out truthfully awkward for previous content!